The pandemic and the ensuing infodemic have forced many of us to retreat, indefinitely. However, we all know that as parents, we have had to reimagine everything about how we typically operate, if not for ourselves then for our children’s sake. With this in mind and operating on the deliberate mandate I proposed in my last post, I was deliberate in my decision to leave the house.
I decided to take the offspring to get a few small needed items that I knew would have put a smile on her face and lift her out of the mundane of online schooling and being at home AALLLL the time. While the textbook introvert that I am would have been completely fine keeping the house colour and avoiding those who refuse to wear a mask, I was deliberate. I was deliberate, because I knew that she needed to be outside and away from that space.
So we set out, all masked (she was literally double masked) and wearing our face shields. All’s well with us. Before we left home, I was in the process of telling her that she didn’t need to wear two masks and the shield, but I quickly stopped myself, because I recognized that she, too, like many of us existing on this earth for way longer, experiences pandemic anxieties. It is with this thought that I let it be and indicated that I was okay with whatever made her feel comfortable about venturing out. And we are on our way, double-masked and shielded with a prayer and spray bottle of alcohol in hand.
I knew before leaving that our outing would have been a short one – just a few hours, because she had an online engagement later in the day. Again, mattered not… we were out. As we got that which was needed, we engaged in light chatter on the ride to our second to last stop. She was in a better frame of mind; it was evident. This made me glad.
Little did I know that this little trip of ours would have resulted in a lovely and profound lesson/reminder for us both. During the ride she said, “Mommy, I have a question?”
“ What’s up?”
“Should I feel bad, because I do not feel regretful about a decision that I have made. A few of my friends think that I should…….” (redacted)
I paused and thought about her question for a short while, and then I said…
“absolutely not”.
I told her that many people do not learn the art of walking away from things (person, job, addiction, philosophy, etc) that do not serve them well until very late in life. Some because they are just too afraid, some because they do not have the discipline, others because they are in an abusive (physical/mental, etc) situations and others for a myriad of reasons. I told her that at 16, I applaud her for taking the stance to walk away from something that doesn’t suit her soul and that she should never feel badly for doing that – ever!
She further explained that she felt great about her decision and wondered if this was okay, because she just didn’t feel badly…..
I reminded her about how, when she was much younger, I would often drill in her the importance of setting standards on how people should treat her – her parents included. She remembered how I would not let up on that. I also used the opportunity to tell her that in those moments that she doesn’t follow through with “walking”, she should forgive herself, regroup and do what she needed to do when….
I again expressed my delight in her growth and the fact that she is learning these lessons at the age/stage that she is. We discussed very briefly one of my own situations in order to make the lesson more relatable and further reinforced the importance of knowing when and listening to that when and acting on that when.
After all, when tells us when to….; we just don’t always listen to when.
So kudos to the offspring for learning this “when-to-walk-away” lesson soon!
Truthfully, I am yet to meet an adult – a parent (male or female) – myself included, who has not had a struggle with “when to….”, at some point. Therefore, it is important having had those struggles ourselves to use our own struggles as learning tools for our children. They are paying attention, even when we think they are not.
Further, as much as the pandemic is forcing us into a new normal, we must insist on venturing out – changing the scenery, if only for a short while. Go for a walk, take a ride – venture out. It is from these little acts of getting up and going out that we often learn something more about our children and learn a little more about ourselves in this very challenging time.
Venturing out can help with reinforcing a lesson.
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 