TRUTH COMMUNITY

I happened upon a clip of Gabrielle Union talking about how as women or as people as a whole, we go through things – usually that which is “difficult” – and then we look for community to help us through. For example, she highlighted the following questions:

• Am I a bad mother? 
• Is this just happening to me?
• Do you understand?
• Can you relate? 
• Do you know what I mean? 

She states that people, most times than not, may say “no…. I can’t identify.” But guess what?  She is right, and I couldn’t agree with her more!  While that particular conversation was more geared toward her surrogacy and relationship experience, I took from it the general feeling that many often undergo with certain experiences that leave them feeling alone – like it’s only happening to them – regardless of the situation.   

Interestingly sad.

As I listened to her in this 2 minute compilation of her book tour/promotion, I related.  I related, because I, too, have been in (or observed) situations where there was an expectation that someone – especially those of your hue, sex or even intersectionality would stand up and speak on your behalf  – to relate on something that they too have gone through – and often they don’t.    One of the points that she highlighted was the notion of being “vague and closing the door on real truth” and how that prevents community-building and in turn fosters isolation. 

As I listened to her articulate her experiences, I gave her an air hug and a proverbial high five.  This is exactly what is missing from the way we communicate/write/share experiences, etc. as a people – as women AND men – we are not always truthful (but how can we when we are not honest), so other women (and men) who go through similar things feel alone.  Her postulation of “REAL TRUTH” as the core of who she is now (by her own admission, she wasn’t always like “this”), represents that which I promote.  At the start of this new year, 2021, I published in my blog 20 things that 2020 has taught me and one of the things I wrote was, “just because her boat looks like yours doesn’t mean that she will help you paddle upstream.”  This quote was subsequently published in my first poetry anthology, because of what the book was designed to do – chronicle truth.  I love truth, even in its “uncomfortability”.  If I am asked, I may tell.  I say “may”, because not everyone is prepared or even have the brain capacity to appreciate from whence you come – your positionality – your lived experience, so I choose, from time to time, with whom I share.  The way I see it, situational silence is okay too. 

By why is “truth” so important, one may ask.  So before I respond to that, let us get some understanding on what truth is.  For me, truth is the opposite of LIE.  Lie is not the truth. One is a real and one is a pretended account. Interpretation is also not the truth.  The truth is what it is and not what we hope for it to be.  But in all seriousness, let me tell you what the experts have defined “truth” to be.  Webster says truth is a “verified and undisputable fact”.    The Bible says that “Jesus is the truth.”  The philosopher’s overarching theme in explaining truth is that the truth has many perspectives and requires deconstruction of several variables and theories to get to it (at least that’s what I got from their very complex explanation).  Simply put, one smart philosopher states, “we can define truth as a statement about the way the world actually is.”   When perspectives are combined, we see the truth for what it is… 

So to get back to Gabrielle’s argument about community-building through truth, one could say that the truth is what has happened to us as individuals without us trying to make it into something that it is not.  Therefore, in order to build community and create a space where people do not feel like they are operating in isolation, we are required to state our own “undisputable fact”.  For example, the woman who has been abused and does not state her truth but instead presents a façade of what she wants others to see is not living in her truth, thereby making other women who are experiencing similar abuse feel like they are alone.  Or the man who cries when he is sad or who prefers to be alone may not share, because of how his truth may be perceived.  Or the people who are clinically depressed, who do not provide layman experiences of depression because it is easier to be silent.  The outcome of being vague on truth is as Gabrielle says; it fosters isolation – the outcome of which can be sinister.  When we do not see our plight being represented in discourse, people tend to feel alone and isolated thereby exacerbating that which causes despair and isolation.

This is why it is important for people to tell the UNCOMFORTABLE “truth” about life in written discourse and in conversations.  It is always important to state the what-is and not the what-we-want-it-to-be.  I do agree that the truth is not always “ugly”, so I am obviously not suggesting that those who have NEVER experienced turmoil or pain shouldn’t speak on their “never-ending” joy (touché).  Nor am I suggesting that the person whose truth is pain has never experienced happiness.  What I am saying is that truth is the-all-of-it – the good, the bad, and the ugly, so we should share it, so that others are able to understand that when their truth feels unbearable, they are not alone in this thing called life, because there is always a community of people who know EXACTLY what it is that you are going through, because they have experienced it too – infertility, broken marriages, HIV/AIDS, depression, rejection, loneliness, illnesses, parenting challenges, LGBTQ+ issues, GBV, workplaces woes, misogyny, male gaze, obesity, body dysmorphia, narcissistic abuse, poverty, cluelessness, introversion, etc.

It is as Michaela Coel said in her Emmy Acceptance speech on Sunday, September 19, 2021,  “write the tale that scares you – that makes you feel uncertain – that isn’t comfortable, I dare you….”  When we do this, we create a truth-community that heals.