DisappointHIM

Has anyone ever expressed the extent to which they are disappointed in you?

Did that expression hurt, or did you simply shrug your shoulders and kept it moving?

More importantly, have you ever disappointed yourself?

If so, from whence does that disappointment stem?

According to an online source, “The noun disappointment comes from the Middle French word disappointer, meaning “undo the appointment,” or “remove from office.”   Today, disappointment has taken on a new meaning that is mostly relating to what happens with and between people when things do not go as planned or to their liking. Though our response to being disappointed or being considered a disappointment can be an unpleasant experience, we should make a deliberate effort to examine and correctly assess the situation and contextualize our response.   In fact, Kets de Vries, from Harvard Business Review (2018) asserts that a positive response to disappointment can be a self-curative process that can contribute to personal growth and make for greater resilience.  It is from a self-curative and faith-based angle that I tackle the notion of being considered a disappointment (by others and/or by myself).

That self-disappointment usually comes from the standards you have set for yourself.

But those standards don’t usually just fall from the sky.  Now do they?  Those standards are usually attached to your own value system… a value system that is greater than oneself.  For me, that value system is guided by the Word of God and His purpose for my life.

Though I have always believed in God and have always prayed, it is only in the last two or so years that I have made a conscious and consistent effort to study The Bible to get to know who God is and what He means to me.  The more I study and get to know HIM is the closer I feel to Him and the more pronounced the presence of the Holy Spirit has been in my life.  In fact, this walk has revealed in me things about myself that I now come to see as problematic and have forced me to adjust those things in keeping with The Fruit of the Spirit, the Commandments and every other righteousness and faith instructions The Holy Bible presents.  The reverse is also true that I have also seen those things in me that are good and am kinder with the things I say to and about myself.

It is on my relationship with God that my value system is hinged:  i.e. doing RIGHT in Christ.  So, when I accept my action to be “disappointing,” whether in myself or someone in me, it is because I have accepted that I have operated outside of what God considers to be Righteous, which usually means I have, in some way, disobeyed Him and in some way sinned.   That is how I NOW operate in relation to disappointments.  I don’t accept someone’s disappointment in me in isolation.  If I am to accept the disappointment as applicable, it must be hinged on me operating outside of what God wants of me.  Once this occurs, my disappointment is mine to humbly own.

When you “disappoint” (someone), you fail to fulfil the expectations of that person.   But expectations are nuanced, especially because, as I have loosely explored earlier, we do not all possess the same value system.   Some people expect you to lie for them; give them more of you than you can give; expend your resources in a way that you can’t; respond positively to their manipulative tactics, operate in perfection or simply live the life they want to benefit their agenda.  In fact, once we agree to have people in our lives, we are going to disappoint and be disappointed… but we should taper that.

Obviously, a person’s expressed disappointment can either be accepted or rejected and ultimately acted upon, either way.  For example, if you tell me that you are disappointed that I didn’t write your research paper for you, I definitely don’t have to accept that. If I agree with someone (anyone) that I have operated in a manner that is disappointing, I have acknowledged and accepted that I did not honor my Heavenly Father. In this case, I am showcasing my vulnerability because this is an admission of a blunder and an act against HIS value system that I have established as my own, and which requires humility.  Conversely, If I reject the expressed disappointment, it is because I recognize that your expectations of me are outside of who I am or am becoming in Christ; therefore, that disappointment is that person’s to resolve.  Ultimately, an expressed disappointment should typically yield one of two responses; please forgive me or I am sorry.  And guess what?  Those two responses are not one and the same, so they are expressing two different things.

Essentially, we can’t always accept an expressed disappointment in us as gospel nor should we always take it personal.  We must examine ourselves to ensure that we are not putting undue stress on ourselves to accept the expectations that others have placed on us, especially when those expectations do not reconcile with our own value system – in CHRIST.

Bottomline, whenever, I refuse to operate in obedience and work toward the plans HE has for my life (which must work in tandem with having a faithful walk with HIM), I will always be disappointed in me because I believe I have disappointed Him.  So, telling me, from that angle, is a necessary salt on a wound to help me acknowledge and break up my fallow grounds.  But that’s me.  At the end of the day, what we do with that disappointment because of our failure to honor our walk with Him is a discussion for another time.  In addition to my own response, I stand with Pierre (2021) who states that our disappointments should provoke two actions from us: lamentation and seeking.