Disobedient adults

Romans 7 vs 15 – 18 (NKJV)

15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.“

The car ride home is a short yet winding one, but this is where I usually reflect on the day that was and have a chat with my Father.  In my quest to serve Him, I am always examining my day and repenting for that which I didn’t do to honor Him, no matter how small.  As I took the sharp corner to make my way through the hills and valleys (literally), I burst out laughing.  It occurred to me that if I, as an adult, have such a challenge with obedience, what say my daughter. 

I spoke out loud, in contemplation.

“I am an adult who understands right from wrong, especially in Christ.  I am a full-blown adult who knows what my Father requires of me, especially now that I am immersed in His word.  I understand that the wages of sin (no matter how small) is death (literally and figuratively) and that He requires us to keep His Commandments, have faith, live according to the Fruit of the Spirit, etc.).  Now, if I, as an adult, understand all of this and do the wrong thing still (no matter how small), how hard must it have been for my daughter, especially as a toddler, and as a teenager to do the “right” thing.   Dang!”

Now that my relationship with God sheds daily light on my own blunders, I cannot imagine (not true… I can actually imagine) the difficulty she must have faced doing all the things she was instructed to do amidst getting to know herself, the childhood distractions and influences all around. Had I connected my own adult disobedience with her natural progression sooner, I wouldn’t have been as hard as I was on her, because Lord knows I make mistakes every. Single. Day. 

I burst out laughing again, because I am certain that there are many adults, who like me, struggle with obedience.

The realization hit me that I was sometimes too hard on her in her own quest to do “the right thing” – to be obedient – while trying to navigate the hormonal dandy-shandy that must have been her mind. 

“Jah know,” I thought to myself as I continued to do a side-by-side mental assessment of me now and her then (and even now). 

The truth is parents who are committed to parenting right (even when we don’t because of our humanness) want what’s best for our children.  If we are open enough, we will see that the intensity (as well as the lax) with which we parent/correct/discipline, etc. stem from fear (which we understand is not of God).  We simply do not want them to fall by the wayside.  If only we could simultaneously examine our own adult shortcomings as adult children of God while parenting them, I believe we will agree that maybe we were a little too hard (and sometimes unforgiving) in how we responded to their blunders.  Poor little things.  The grace us adult children of God ask for daily is the grace we need to give our own children on their journey to becoming.

In any event, I am thankful that my FATHER is not like one of us, because Lord knows the times I have had to repent and ask for forgiveness.   

To my daughter, I will again say, “Pumpkin, please forgive me.”