MAYBE IT’S ME!

In “The Chronicles of a Woman: The Truth-Teller” (Vol.2), I introduced a section called “Introspection,” where I presented a series of poems titled “Maybe It’s Me” 1 – 7.  For clarity, there are seven poems that explore the notion that we all have a role to play in the events in our lives – directly or indirectly.  These pieces suggest that there are instances (good or bad) where we need to introspect and deconstruct the ideology that maybe, just maybe, it is us and not them or that maybe it is us AND them.   This exploration is something that happens to many of us once we decide to give our lives to Christ.  On our road to transformation, He will make us see ourselves AND the people around us within the context of His Word.  So, while I was in that space of contextually looking within, I was examining the demise of certain relationships along with the people in my life as well as those who are no longer in my life, for one reason or the other.   The pieces of “Introspection” live up to the name of the book and chronicles what I deem to be internal struggles and the manifestations of that in relation to my experiences with others.  The poems also present my perspective on my observations of what I also deem to be the internal struggles of others and how those manifest in relation to their own interactions and outcomes with the people in their lives.    What was borne was the consideration that maybe what is happening to us is simply because of us… maybe… just maybe, we are the cause, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad and other time neither good nor bad (fortunate nor unfortunate).

As I continue to explore this ideology and observe human nature, especially those who believe they are at the pinnacle of their professional career and lack the accountability compass, I realize that we are all so flawed in our perception of ourselves and operate with some amount of dishonesty and superiority in relation to the reality of the space we occupy.    Of course, this is not absolute since there are those of us who recognize that it is, in fact, us but are somewhat averse to openly admitting that it is, in truth, us.  Our reason for doing this is a myriad of things attached to our human complexities. 

Not to mention, the internet is bombarded with memes and reels of people encouraging others on how to navigate being hurt and/or betrayed.  There is no shortage of people guarding us from the hurt of others and showing us what to do when we are hurt, discarded, disregarded, or lied on by others, especially those we trust or who convinced us that we could trust.  But what do we do when we are forced to accept or even consider that we are to blame – that we are the betrayer, the liar, the cheater, the discarder – the true antagonist – and the ultimate reason for the demise of these relationships/interactions.  Do we sit with this consideration long enough to accept that it is us, maybe?

It is important to sit with this, after we have experienced the pain of whatever the situation because “Maybe it’s me” forces us (whether we want to or not) to:

Be accountable, which doesn’t happen without truth.  Accepting responsibility means that you would have seen where you went wrong, and typically a person who is willing to accept responsibility (and I am not talking about people pleasers who will blindly accept responsibility to save face) are those who are willing to work on being better people.  Of course, all of this is occurring within the context of our walk with God – being guided by scripture of who we should be in Christ.

The questions that beg to be asked are:

• Why are we so unwilling or afraid to delve into the idea that maybe, it is us? 
• What is it about this exploration that frightens us or shames us out of giving this real thought?

Psychologists already have some answers about why we shift blame and not honestly explore our role in life’s demises.  They assert “Blame Avoidance Behavior” as a key reason.  One blog highlights that it is easier to blame others than to confront the uncomfortable truth of self-examination.  This, they say, is a form of emotional avoidance, which benefits (in my estimation), at least publicly, those who refuse to look within.  This “integrity-protecting activity,” which psychologists aptly sum up as a pattern, is an understandable alternative, especially if the benefit of pointing the finger far outweighs that of self-reflection.  Be that as it may, I believe this is something worth exploring.

In our quest to ascertain if it was us (and not them), here are some things to consider:

• Maybe we were too hasty with our decision
• Maybe we didn’t listen to our gut
• Maybe we could have been honest
• Maybe all of what is happening is by God’s design
• Maybe we needed to be silent
• Maybe we didn’t lead well
• Maybe we should have leaned into our calling
• Maybe we didn’t listen to sound council
• Maybe we were too greedy
• Maybe leaving was right.
• Maybe we valued the wrong things
• Maybe we were unkind
• Maybe we responded to fear
• Maybe we did not seize the day
• Maybe we were unwise.
• Maybe we could have chosen forgiveness.
• Maybe we didn’t trust God.

Whatever the “maybe” in our own situation, it is worth the consideration.  In fact, I have found that it is only in accepting where we went wrong, or where and how we sinned that we are able to seek forgiveness, repent and move on from that situation in peace.  Conversely, the long-term effects of not owning our role and laying blame elsewhere are more sinister.    And if after honestly checking if it was us and we find that it was not, we would have at the very least, gained insight into our situation, which will help us to heal faster and/or forgive (ourselves and others), than we would if we had spent our time in denial and lacking accountability.