We all have scriptures that we rely on to take us through each day. For me, there are several, but the two that remain constant utterances are:
Psalm 139:23-24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.
And
Psalm 51 v 10
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
These scriptures, combined, form a daily and effective prayer in my quest to honour God. I do this because I do not always have the capacity or wherewithal to recognize my own shortcomings and therefore need a daily dose of divine intervention to help me to not give voice and privilege to my flesh.
I also observe that many others (like me) need a daily cleansing of their minds as well as guidance on how to interact with and extend themselves to others. This observation is not unique to “unbelievers” or those who are “unsaved” but applicable to all, and certainly those who consider themselves mature in their Christ Walk.
The amazing thing about this daily prayer is that I usually receive divine insight into areas within me that need adjustment. With this, I see that The Word is true: “…seek, and you will find…” (Matthew 7:7) and “…I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…” (Ezekiel 36:26). God does work in mysterious ways. So, on the drive home, where I usually spend time talking to God and reviewing the workday that was, The Holy Spirit revealed to me that earlier in the day, I may not have come across with love, though I was feeling it, while helping someone with something they needed. In that moment, my thought went to mindfulness of posture when extending kindness. An online dictionary defines Mindfulness as “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.” In my mind’s eyes if you are aware of something (good or bad), you are in a position to positively impact your environment, in one way or another. Researchers declare that “Learning to be mindful is a powerful skill that can help you face the stresses of day-to-day life and improve both your psychological and physical health,” which they also state is not difficult to practice.
Even so, we do not always focus on our external disposition when giving, but more on the thing (tangible or intangible). While deconstructing the day, I was reminded of my own assertion to “give a gift with kindness or do not give a gift at all”. When giving, most like to declare that “I am giving with a pure heart.” Or “I did it with good intention,” with very little thought to how they may have come across to the person receiving the gift. But we do not quite consider that (outside of the performance of it) a pure heart and good intention cannot really be seen; it occurs on the inside. In other words, people do not have access to the nature of our hearts (and I say this with the understanding that the performance of a thing is not always it). They, instead, have access to how we come across in our giving state and can only go by what we say and the actions that follow our words, that includes how we say the words. Furthermore, how pompous of us to assert pureness of heart, when His Word tells us that “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 7:9, NIV). Therefore, the fact that we can fulfil a person’s need does not mean that we should ignore our giving posture or the general tone in which we give. And I am saying all this with the awareness that no matter what we do, there are some people who will always read wrong into our actions despite our presentation. Instead, I am speaking specific to those situations where we can genuinely do better, but don’t.
Our posture on any given day (pun intended) may not be tied to how we feel; it may simply be something about how our day might be going or our natural disposition or propensity to seriousness or something else that may cause a person on the receiving end of our “kindness” to feel robbed of their dignity while stretching their hand to receive your gift. A wise communication theorist once said, “the medium is the message,” which (within this context) means that the wrapping, and the delivery are just as important as the gift itself. Since people do not have access to how we truly feel, we must ensure that we are mindful of:
- What we say when we extend that needed thing: our words must match the love we say we feel.
- How we say what we say when we extend that needed thing: our tone must be one of kindness (specific to the language of the giftee), which requires for us to read the room.
- The environment in which we give that needed thing: many people in need require privacy of gift giving. Love is not about self-aggrandizement or publicity in giving.
- The hastiness in which we give that needed thing: make time to extend the gift without feeling rushed.
- Our dismissive nature when we extend that needed thing: for some, giving does not require engaging and therefore very little consideration is placed on how we make time to ensure that we are humanizing the gift-giving process.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of hate from people performing friendship, I know what it feels like to be given a gift while simultaneously being robbed of my dignity. It is unpleasant and something I would not want to do to anyone…But guess what, we don’t often realize that we are doing the same thing, even when we believe our intentions are the purest. We do not operate in isolation of our personal struggles. This means that even with the purest of intentions, life is happening, and we may not be able to operate in a manner that reads well. Even so, we must ensure that we are honoring those in need as we provide what they need.
But what does this mindfulness of posture do to the person receiving the gift?
We each have an insecurity that follows us; for some it may be situational, while for others, it is permanent. People are struggling with something and are sometimes on the edge of a sinister outcome. As obedient believers and disciples, we are our brothers’ keepers. A posture of love when giving can:
- Provide hope in what they have deemed hopeless. This hope can impact other areas of their lives.
- Encourage a changed mindset that leads to a gift-giving chain reaction.
- Motivate others to operate in kindness
- Confirm the goodness of God in a person whose faith was waned.
- Restore a person’s dignity
- Foster personal growth.
It is not so far-fetched the thought that “my tone (and by extension my posture) can make you misinterpret my heart[i].” If we can readily grasp this, then we shouldn’t mind examining ourselves and ultimately adjusting our giving posture, if love is at the centre of our giving. Plus, the incentive is that our reward will be great in heaven, regardless of how we are received. Surely, as children of God we must exercise wisdom in how we give; I assert that the mindfulness of our posture is a gift itself. Despite our best efforts, we all sin, sometimes daily.
Whatever interferes with our love-signalling tone or posture, we are called to work daily to kill our flesh and operate in the renewal that God gives us, in our repentant and contrite state.
At the end of the journey home, I made the call and offered reassurance by way of corrective tone and adjusted posture. In so doing, I heard, on the other end of the phone, the relief and sense of empowerment that the act of kindness gave. As much as I would want to promise to always ensure that my posture matches the love I feel (or should feel), I am sure my humanness won’t allow it. Hopefully, I will always correct myself and the situation in a timely manner, especially as I remind myself of the scripture, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NIV).
[i] Pastor Phillip Mitchell, 2025
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 