Romancing the “Single” mom!

So the big Day was just here – the day when all the “loved” ones received expressions of love in many forms from their significant others.  It was also the day when loneliness, for many, was more pronounced than it ever was.

A very close friend of mine shared an experience she had while waiting in line to buy “supplies” at a very popular store in the area.  She shared with me that she observed a lady sitting while waiting to be served with her head in her hand.  The lady, she said, appeared sad, so my friend started making small talk with this lady in an effort to make her smile in the moment, at the very least.  Her attempts, however, proved futile, as the lady declared that she was lonely – that she had no one – no “Valentine”.  The man attending to them both came from behind the counter and gave the lady a hug, at which point, she started to cry, which came as a surprise to my friend and the man who offered the hug.  The man went on to tell her that whenever she needed a hug, he was there – that she had him, especially because he had observed her on several occasions, coming in and out of the store….

This story had me thinking about all the lonely people out there, specifically all the single mothers who have no one – to even offer a hug.  As single moms, we are constantly being asked the age old “romance” question – “So, who are you dating?”  God forbid that you are not dating anyone.  Something must be wrong with you… and the question that follows is “why are you not seeing anyone?”  Usually this question is asked by those people who are happy in love or someone who just wants to know what’s going on in your life.

As a “single” mother, I know for me dating is not as easy as 1-2-3, for more reasons than one.  I have been on a couple dates, but finding the right mate in light of my situation, proves harder than it appears.  Plus, I had not realized until very recently that I had become very complacent with being single. You see, it is not that single mothers do not want romance; it is just that many of us have to be careful the people we bring into our space.  We have to think long and hard before we decide if we are going to make that guy our “boyfriend”, because making him our boyfriend means inviting him into our homes where our children reside, which can be very very tricky, especially if you have not known this person for a while.

As important as being hugged and touched is for our children, so it is for single mothers.  It is very important for single mothers who spend most of their time with their children to have romance at some point or the other.  Many of us are so engulfed in our child’s life that we hardly find time for ourselves; and like the lady earlier, we do not realize how lonely we are until we are in the weirdest of places.  Being touched and hugged by someone (we like and want to reciprocate same) other than our babies is very important for sustaining our mental health – yes it is!

The way I see it, there is nothing wrong with dating (the single mom).  The child who is so used to seeing mommy at home all the time will have a problem with us going out with someone other than her/him.  So what? Still go out; the children will get over it… trust me… they will.  Go have a drink and allow the guy to hold your hands or hug/kiss you.  You will be pleasantly surprised at how you will feel afterwards.  One or two dates does not maketh a relationship, but give yourself that – one or two dates until the right one comes along!

On the flip side, the men who are interested in us, need to also understand that not all single moms are trying to find a father for their child(ren).  Just like the single man, the single mom needs romance too – to have our hands held, to be kissed and hugged by someone other than our children!  Being open to romance doesn’t mean being “open for business”….

Peace be with you as we strive to uncover and confront the truth about parenting.

Blessings!