Within the ambits of my adult friend and company circle, I am quite verbose and uninhibited about my beliefs/acceptance of others and the choices that we make concerning who we chose to “love”. But, I must admit that within my parenting confines, I do struggle to explain to my daughter why men and women are allowed to marry/be in relationships with the same sex.
As accepting as I am of the choices that others make (once it doesn’t harm another), I do not know how to explain this to an eight year old who sees images of these alternative lifestyle being portrayed everywhere she turns. It’s not like I can let her live in a bubble until she is “of age”; that, to me, is ludicrous! I cannot avoid these images, as they are everywhere! And I cannot, indefinitely, avoid answering my very inquisitive child.
What I do explain to her is that she should not judge people and to treat everyone the way she would want to be treated, and all that jazz. I even go as far as to embed in her that people should be allowed to be themselves, but I still do not know what to say to her when she asks questions like:
- “Mommy, why did that man just say he has a boyfriend?”
- “How come Ellen has a wife?”
- “Why did that little girl say she has two dads…?”
- “Why are those two men/women holding hands, etc. as if they are boyfriend and girlfriend?”
I know that I cannot continue to pussyfoot around the question for much longer, because soon the answer will become quite evident to her, especially because “mamma aint raising no fool”. The problem is, I would really like to be able to explain to her in a manner that I think is conducive to my objective as her parent, but have stumbled upon a road block! What I will not do, however, is to teach her out to “bun out the chi chi man” or anything of that nature.
I think I am fearful that giving her this kind of information too quickly will present her with an “option” rather than leaving well enough alone and have the natural progression taking place when she becomes of that age.
I do believe that there are things that happen with all of us that science/ The Bible does not sufficiently explain/rationalize so I am very careful not to judge, but Lord knows that I am stuck where this is concerned. God be with us all!
Helpful comments/suggestions welcomed.
Peace be with you as we strive to uncover and confront the truth about parenting.
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 
Hi Stacy,
I have an 11 year old son and 5 nephews … I know just what you are talking about. However like most other topics I tend to start with what my beliefs are and explain why I have those beliefs. I then explain that other persons may hold differing beliefs and I try to explain why they have those beliefs (very hard sometimes). I talk to them about making principle-based decisions and that one of my core principle is respect … respect for self and respect for others. I am convinced that when we approach ourselves and others from the position of respect we can be different and accept our differences without tearing each other down. Ofcourse while I try to ensure that I am the 1st person to discuss issues such as sexuality with my child I have to be very careful that my advice / information is age appropriate and I usually look at his responses to see if I am going too far. Sadly the open, liberal, and at times lewd nature of others has resulted in our children growing up in a highly sexualised society. As his mother / aunt I am determined to shape their views. I have had to talk to my son and nephews about sex, pedophilia, homosexuality, sodomy … It is always a challenge but we must find away to have these conversations with our children because if we don’t someone else WILL and then we have little control over how they are exposed to these issues.
keron, thank you so much for your response. I have found this to be quite helpful in terms of the response I should be giving to my child; I like your take on the matter, and will definitely follow suit. the world that we are living in has its many challenges that seem to be more pronounced now that it was when I was a child… but as parents we must keep our conversations alive, so that we know what our children are thinking. We can’t help them to filter if we don’t know what’s going on with them… Again, thanks (quite insightful).