I told myself when I just started this blog that I would stay as far away as possible from anything that would bring to the fore anything that was going on in my personal life as it relates to the “parenting apart” process. I do not like to wash my dirty laundry in public, especially when it connects to my child. I want to shield her from the know – the what is – for as long as I am able to. Truth is children are a lot smarter than we think and INVARIABLY they will know “what time of the day it is”.
As you all have known by now, my daughter is 8 (and a half). She is a very smart child who asks a lot of questions – too many questions if you ask me (naah… just kidding). Truthfully, I have always encouraged her to speak her mind – from as long as she could speak. I’ve always told her that she should NEVER be afraid to say how she feels; and so, she does.
Her daddy has been away now for a year, and she misses him terribly; and she is NOT afraid of expressing this to me. There are days and weeks when she is okay, and then there is another time when she just misses him, and there is nothing I can do to quell her heartache – NOTHING – at THAT moment. In spite of all the drama (putting it mildly) that have occurred (between him and me), I have always encouraged/facilitated her having a close relationship with her dad. As I ALWAYS say, “my love for my child supersedes any negative emotion I have had…”(for him). So whatever it takes, I will ALWAYS ensure that she feels his presence even if he resides/studies in Timbuktu.
The issue I am having, though, is the meddlesome, antagonistic, passive-aggressive relative (of his) who makes it her point of duty to ensure she spits negativity about/to me EVERY opportunity she gets. The truth is, I have ignored her for the most part, but there are times when you must help people to stay in their rightful lanes. I have never really interacted with this person outside of her sending me nasty emails whenever I have had issues with the father of my baby girl; she has to say something even when it has nothing to do with her (which it never does)….
The connection to my daughter missing her daddy and this meddlesome one is that she sent me a text message recently that read:
“you are doing something WRONG. (the)child should have adjusted by now. Know 8 years old and younger who adjust quicker to parents absence sometimes both parents.”
So instead of offering some positive feedback as to how I could possibly deal with baby girl missing her daddy, that’s the text message I got. Now, one would think that a mother of four who has been a mother for longer than I have would have something to say that would shed some positive light on the situation. This has pretty much been how this lady has been toward me for almost a decade, without even knowing me. So now, I am to be blamed for her missing him. It has to be because of me why she misses her dad. Are you kidding me?
My observation is that women are women’s worst enemies. Dog nyam u suppa if a meddlesome, antagonistic, passive aggressive woman has it out for you.
Why do we make each other’s lives a living hell? I am open to any suggestions about how I can help my daughter to get over him being gone (just not from her). But my questions to my readers are:
- Isn’t she supposed to miss her daddy?
- Is there a time that she should be “over” him being gone to the point where she doesn’t express it in tears?
honestly, as far as i see it, she is SUPPOSED to miss her father. If grown women can miss their men when they are gone and bawl like babies almost every night, why can’t my child. Usually the ones who don’t miss their men are the ones who have replaced him…. so should i find a replacement daddy? is this what Miss Meddlesome is alluding to? As much as I ignore miss meddlesome, there are times that I must place her back in her lane, because Lord knows that parenting in and of itself is hard, yet alone having to add an antagonistic sibling of the baby daddy to the mix.
Whew!!!
One would think that the primary objective for ALL would be ensuring that the AFFECTED CHILD is assisted in a way that helps her to “adjust”. NO SUCH LUCK!!!
Whew!!!
Parenting apart woes do add to making the parenting process a little harder. Didn’t everyone get the memo that if you love the child you should never try to stress the mother? …suggestions/comments welcomed.
Peace be with you as we strive to uncover and confront the truth about parenting.
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 
Easier said than done, but there are some people that need to be consistently ignored! Question is, why does Ms. Meddlesome even have your email address? She is supposedly the expert on child-rearing – in her head! There is no one way to do these things, and how the heck is an 8yr old child supposed to verbalize and physically show how she misses her dad? Do not let her steal your thunder. Sorry i don’t have suggestions, as it is, it is difficult enough for me to raise myself 😉 I applaud you…Carry on my dear. Keep beautiful…nuff love!
she has my info because she is the sibling of the daddy…with that said, I do ignore her, for the most part. but there are times when I have no choice (depending on the extent of her meddling) but to put her her in her place. trust me, I am trying with everything in me to be a good enough parent… thanks for commenting… one love!
It’s ridiculous that you have to spend your time thinking about people who choose to act like that, rather than them helping you parent your daughter. You always say that to raise a child requires a village, but every village needs an idiot, I suppose.
You are so right… every village does need an idiot… lololol…as hard as it can be at time, I am pressing on!! thanks for commenting… nuff love right back at ya!
You have hit the nail on the head. I am late in the discussion, but i do hope Miss Meddlesome has access to this page so that she will be able to reflect on how stupid/crazy she is…….. some mother she is….poor children!!!!! Your thoughts are on target..Keep them flowing. I am sure others are enriched by them.
thanks for you comment coleen (mother)… everyone has access to the page; but cant post a comment unless it is “approved”. Hopefully, some good will come of this; and I am also hopeful that soon Miss Meddle will meddle no more, but instead be the type of support to a child who needs it. If i enrich one person, then my work here is done… thanks!