Parenting through the pandemic: a DELIBERATE effort at protecting our mental health.

There is no talking about the effects of the pandemic without talking about the mental health pandemonium that has ensued.  Parents everywhere are struggling mentally, and so are our children.  I am yet to come across a parent who has not had their own levels of stress or a breakdown of some kind.  For some, however, the stress is more nail-biting than it is for others. 

It is easier to give someone a bag of grocery or to make a small deposit to their account in order to alleviate some of their physical or financial needs during this very challenging time.  However, the matter of asking a person how they are REALLY doing, aside from their physical needs, is often overlooked.   More importantly, the matter of knowing exactly what to say or do or in which direction to point a person whose mental health is compromised, is a very daunting experience that many of us have not necessarily stored in our “how to” repertoire.

As the months have progressed and the challenges continue to intensify (for parents and children), we are now seeing that “mental health” has become the new buzz phrase.  In this case, it is not a fad.  The mental health concern is just as real and cripplingly damaging as its predecessor, Covid-19.  There is a reason for this.  We are simply not coping – parents and children alike!

The question that begs to be asked is, “how do we navigate our own mental health struggles to ensure that our children’s mental health is secure?”  

While I, like many mothers (parent) across the world, have felt the impact on my mental wellness, I have had to come up with very deliberate ways in which to cope.   I have also had to witness my own 16-year-old adjust her mindset as she struggles to understand and reimagine her life in the midst of this confusing newness.  She, too, based on interventions, has become very deliberate, and this makes me glad.

What the pandemic has thrust upon me is the fact that being deliberate is key to my own survival and, therefore, should not be taken lightly.  Aside from being deliberate about how we carry our bodies to protect ourselves from contracting this virus, we must also be very deliberate in how we approach our mental health.  The minute we awaken from our slumber, we must talk ourselves into being deliberate about protecting ourselves and our children – mind, body and soul.  Yes, clichés are sometimes necessary!  We have to be deliberate about paying attention to our children’s needs – not just what they eat, but what they process, mentally.  We have to be deliberate about listening to their silence as well as their actual words.  We have to be deliberate about the words that we choose when responding to their “feedback” or response to this new normal.  We have to be deliberate about pushing ourselves beyond that which we have been taught about mental health and strive for something positively different.  We have to be deliberate about learning coping strategies that will help us to help our children.  We have to be deliberate about utilizing those members in our village who are so inclined and who are able to offer the mental breaks necessary.  We have to be deliberate about stepping outside of our mental health belief system and utilize the services of a mental health professional who can help our children and help us too.  Essentially, every single day must be a deliberate effort. 

While I have had talks with my daughter about protecting her mental space, I find that as of late our talks about how to do this have increased.  At 16, she understands and have taken heed and has also been utilizing the services of a mental health professional who has given her additional tools. 

From my perspective, I see the lack of conversation with our children about protecting their mental health as a parenting gap.  Notwithstanding, I do believe that now is as good a time as any to incorporate this in the tools we provide our children in preparation for adulthood.  While the need is more immediate than adulthood for them, we now have the perfect opportunity to reimagine our parenting focus and be deliberate in our efforts in teaching our children how to protect their mental health as we strive to help them to survive – mind, body and soul!

I do understand that the level of mental health awareness is not the same for all, but that is just an excuse that I refuse to accept.  We have to be deliberate about helping others to help themselves and their children too.  I am very pleased that agencies such as United Nations, Centre for Disease Control and World Health Organization are doing a great job at pushing mental health forward as part of their covid-19 recovery mandate/efforts.  The global mental health reports, especially in our children, have become sinister.  Therefore, we need to handle this mental health treatment as a daily deliberate effort toward a greater good, and pay attention to the tips that these agencies are making available.

 The following are a few pointers that I have given to my daughter, and I will also throw in a few that her therapist has given to her:

• Pay attention to your body, and take a break when you need to.
• Create a source of release and utilize this source when required.
• Listen to music or read a book (or do something that works for you)
• Know when to say no, and say it!
• Pray
• Go for a walk or a drive out.
• Allow your negative emotions to pass through you; do not let it sit with you for longer than it needs to.
• Do not dwell on your future.
• Exist in gratitude
• Do not immerse yourself in daily pandemic news.
• When you are not feeling at your best, do not be hard on yourself. 
• Create time to REST.  Sleeping is different than resting. 

As we strive to navigate this new normal and recover, I invite you to share your own pointers that have served you well.

Blessings!