40-legs: my 40+ years fear!

‘SAS CRISE!

I want to write this entire blog post in the Jamaican Creole, but I can’t, because my readers consist of non-Jamaicans and Jamaicans alike.

But OH MY GOD!!!! I Just had another encounter with another 40-leg (centipede), and it was HUGE!  Anyone who knows me knows that I am deathly afraid of these things.  I HATE CREEPY CRAWLERS WITH A PASSION. 

“Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! There is a centipede in the bathroom, and it is HUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE.”

I lifted my head from the laptop, and I took a very deep breath and thought to myself, “I am tired of being held hostage by this darn fear”. 

It is bad enough that the pandemic has had me pondering about what’s to come, so I will be damned if I continue to let this 40-leg for 40 plus-years fear continue to cripple me.  Hell to the NO!  Centipede plus pandemic – one has to go NOW!

So I grabbed my machete from its hiding place and set out to commit a felony on this creature. I wonder now, though, does this constitute animal cruelty?  Should I have bottled it alive and call NEPA?  LOL…. I digress…

Before today, I would have been bawling literal tears and talking loudly to myself while doing what was necessary to get rid of it.  Either that or I would have found the help of a male (first option) and then I would not have been able to fall asleep that night thinking one is gonna crawl on me….  NOT TODAY.  NO MORE.  I am going to massacre this thing….

….Mi naah ask Christ!!

As I went into the bathroom in search (because those things hide well), I sprayed in the general location that the offprsing pointed to. I saw the 6-foot bugger (obviously not 6 foot, but it was HUUUUGGEEE) wriggling its way to my bedroom.  With machete in hand and fear discarded, I chopped it dead!  Not only did I do that, but I also scooped it up and disposed of it, not a tear rolling down my cheeks as it usually would have.  Under normal circumstances, I would NOT have been able to interact with this thing without heart palpitations the way I did tonight – dead or alive.  But I was adamant….

CHANGE HAS COME!  Bless God!

What is the point of this, you may ask?  Lemme tell you…becaaw every weh yuh tun, lesson deh deh fi learn (everywhere you turn, there is a lesson to be learnt).  So here goes:

• The way that my daughter called out to me was an indicator that I had transferred my fear of this thing unto to her.  Hmmm….. I didn’t even realize this until tonight. 
• As parents we tend to inadvertently transfer our fears, etc. unto our children; we must be very mindful of this.
• I conquered a fear that I held on to for as long as I have been alive! 
• Not only did I manage to conquer a fear, but she witnessed my transformation.

Great, right?! 

But what was the purpose of holding on to this fear for as long as I did?  It didn’t serve me well at all.   Why did it take me simply making up my mind to let go of the fear for me to actually let it go – literally?  Why didn’t I do this sooner?

In response to these questions, I highlight the following:

• We have to stop letting our fears cripple us. 
• We have to be deliberate about stepping outside of our fears in order to create the lives that we want for ourselves. 
• It is NEVER too late to step outside of our fears, despite the decades that have passed. 
• We should NEVER be hard on ourselves, because of how long it may have taken us to let go of any fear….
• It is important for our children to witness our growth as we navigate our human selves, because NEWSFLASH….  Parents/guardians/adults are humans too!
• The young people (our children – offspring, nieces, nephews, students, etc.- those in our charge) are watching us, and they are learning from us. Let us, therefore, be deliberate about conquering those irrational fears, so that they can witness us become better versions of our adult selves.

To be completely honest, I am not 100 percent over the fear (I am about 89 percent there), and my daughter knows this, but she also knows that I am no longer crippled by it.…

A weh 40-leg a guh?!!!

It is prudent to point out that I am not saying we should never have fears; not all fears are irrational (but that’s for another blog post).  I am saying that we should find a way to let go of those that we can – those that prevent us from operating at our optimal.  Sometimes all it takes is self-talk, and sometimes it will take therapist talk and sometimes friend/spouse, etc. talk… whatever works.  Let us be deliberate about letting those fears go….

but seriously though … can those things leave me alone now? mi really hope seh di duppy 40-leg tell di rest a dem seh I am not to be messed with!