THE SILENT DILEMMA OF WORKPLACE ABUSE

 “If she causes me so much distress, how does she expect me to perform my job well?”

I could tell that my friend was extremely stressed, and by the end of our tête-à-tête, I was able to garner the issue to be a long-standing one for him.  He explained that he had been working in on-the-job-hell, with no end in sight.  As he continued to relay his experiences to me, I realized one very profound thing: his experience was not unique.  On the contrary, this type of workplace abuse is often experienced by so many, yet it goes unchecked, because often the abuser holds a much higher position than the abused.

I recently happened upon a twitter thread of people discussing their horrendous workplace experiences and the effect those experiences have had on them, which ultimately led to many quitting their jobs without knowing from whence their next dollar would come. One statement that resonated from the originator of the thread, who too had to quit his job, reads:

“…there is nothing unprofessional about making fun of managers who disrespect you or your work… silence around abuse only allows it to propagate.”

As controversial as the first part of the statement might be, I do understand how an abused worker could poke fun at the abusive manager as a coping mechanism when relaying the abuse to others.  The second half of the statement is very obvious and true, but often the abused feels powerless to speak up, because of the inflicted punishment that often follows.  What I found was that the persons responding to the original tweet were based in different parts of the world, which is a clear indicator that workplace abuse is more common than it is not – globally.

It appears that this phenomenon is unavoidable

The truth is that a lot of everything happens in the workplace that shouldn’t, because every single workplace, like every other community within every single society has all different types of people from all different types of background with all different types of angst and all different types of morals or the lack thereof.  There is no one single workplace culture that exists in any organization.   While there are Laws, Acts and Policies that should govern how a workplace operates, the workplace culture and the different personality types and moral compass of each person along with fair/fear management are what allow certain things to continue, unaddressed.  Workplace abuse, which includes “sexual harassment, physical violence and emotional abuse[1],” is often experienced by the person of a lower ranking and is often carried out by the person who is in a supervisory capacity or who holds a higher rank than the abused. 

In as much as there are smart and kind people in every workplace, there are also liars, thieves, sexual predators, abusers, misogynists and narcissists too.  The categories presented here are not specific to any gender – good or bad. People are people despite their sex and their position in the organization.  The core of a person does not change because of their workplace position – good or bad.  In fact, a person’s true self is often revealed the longer they remain in an environment.

The workplace is no different.

As much as one can document the abuse they suffer by keeping a log of the things that occur, some supervisors/mangers, etc. who inflict that which constitutes workplace abuse, specifically workplace emotional abuse can often cite issues such as lack of training, employee insecurities and low self-esteem as reason (Bray, 1995) for the “accusations”, which is why it is important for the abused to maintain a log of things as they occur.   From what I have learned and have too experienced (directly and indirectly) supervisors/managers – high ranking officers within an organization – do not always abide by or are not always given the same accountability requirements.  In the end, instances of workplace abuse go unchecked.

When conflict turns to abuse/how did we get here anyway?

“Conflict can occur in any organization when employees with different backgrounds and priorities work together[2].” While on the-job-conflicts occur that are either dealt with professionally and people move on (in one way or the other) ideally, the opposite is also true:  things happen, things fester and people respond to these things in questionable ways – they internalize rather than resolve.    When this happens, the core of a person is manifested; there are different people coexisting in their fundamental state (some of which were mentioned earlier), which is often enhanced by power dynamics.  If we accept this line or reasoning, then we could see how workplace abuse is pretty much unavoidable.  A twitter poll recently conducted revealed that 65% of respondents have experienced workplace abuse, 22% had never thought about it, while 13% indicated that they had never had that experience.

I was recently in a  meeting and got asked the question about how I handle conflict resolution in the workplace/in a team, etc.  My answer is simple.  “Conflict Resolution” does not look the same for everyone, despite what workplace policy dictates, and despite what the HR specialists instruct.  One person can move on from an incident involving two with the mind-set of moving forward respectfully (you don’t have to respect someone to be respectful – but that is for another blog) and focusing on the tasks at hand, while the other person may decide that the resolve they require is more drastic and “pain-inflicting” than the workplace allows.  When a person’s need to exact revenge supersedes reasoning, how then does conflict resolution occur?  At some point, we have to move on respectfully and get the work done, whether we like each other or not.  If protocols are followed and there is a culture of respectability, then the conflict should be “resolved” within the ambit of the workplace.

Sadly, this is not the case for many, if in their estimation the other person – usually he/she operating in subordination – is not sufficiently “punished”.  There are very subtle ways that these abusers will ensure that the offender is emotionally tortured on the job, with the hopes that in the end they would leave.  For example, withholding of information/resources, etc. inciting others to ostracize, preventing promotions, bad-mouthing, and ignoring staff, etc.  The abuse becomes unbearable when a worker’s punishment for an “offense” is never-ending and overlaps into every single dealing they have in the workplace.  There is a lot of borrowed hate (Stacey A Palmer 2020) that happens in large groups/organizations, and others will take it upon themselves to help to inflict the “required punishment” on behalf of someone else, especially those whose on-the-job power renders them unaccountable in relation to the organizational hierarchy.

The dilemma

It becomes a silent dilemma, because so much of this type of abuse goes unchecked, which means that many people are operating in their “9 to5” spaces in utter discontent and unable to function at their optimal.  For some, the thought of getting up each day to enter into that space is very distressing that it can cause a person to suffer anxiety, which can ultimately lead to health issues; the resulting effects of this can be very sinister.  Within the power dynamics, it is usually easier to prove a person’s under-performance than to address those workplace causalities.  Ultimately, no one cares, especially when the perpetrator holds “an upper level” position.  The way they see it, you are at work to work, so you are expected to perform, despite what is happening and by whom the distress is being inflicted.  Herein lies the dilemma.

(And don’t even think that with the online modality that is required in some organizations that this has changed.  Abusers WILL find a way you use Zoom or any other online platform to inflict emotional abuse, but that is for another discussion).

So, what do we do?

It is all well and good for organizations to establish policies that govern operations, but what is the point if they are not used?  People are generally afraid to speak up, even when they witness or experience first-hand emotional and other types of workplace abuse.  Fear management vs fair management (Stacey A Palmer, 2020) is perpetuated. Higher ranking staff who abuse are typically very aware of the power they hold and are often also aware that they are in contempt of workplace ordinance because more times than not, everyone involved understands that the matter, in light of the power dynamics, is treated with scant regard – your word against theirs.

It is, therefore, important for workers who experience workplace abuse to become familiar with their right as workers and to stand in that right.  It is also critical for proper documentation of the abuse to be maintained.  In an ideal situation, the abuser stands accountable, but often they don’t – not in the workplace – and usually not in real life, because of how emotional abuse is often perceived and handled.  So to maintain one’s sanity, it would best to leave, but we all know that is also not always possible. The workplace is an extension of society, so matters of abuse often go unaddressed.   Regrettably, advocates and unions are slow in addressing these matters, but people are encouraged to speak up so that the abuse is not propagated.

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[1] Bray C. Defining Workplace Abuse. Affilia. 1995;10(1):87-91. doi:10.1177/088610999501000108

[2] https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/tools-and-samples/toolkits/pages/managingworkplaceconflict.aspx