You do yourself and your community a disservice when you keep hidden the ways in which you have successfully navigated certain ills to come out on the better end of it.
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I was chatting with a friend who hinted that an acquaintance was trying to figure out how to deal with being publicly smeared and emotionally battered by someone he/she was once close with. Of course, being someone who has come out the other end of a smear campaign, I cannot help but consider my own experiences with this, and how I navigated, for the most part.
I, therefore, start by saying, if you know anything about a “smearer”, you will know that their attacks are relentless, especially if you appear to be thriving. They will not stop!
What is a smear campaign and why it happens?
The Cambridge dictionary describes a smear campaign as a planned attempt to harm the reputation of a person or company by telling lies about them.
As Psychology Today puts it, “the smear campaign is born out of a combination of factors, including the need to be right and have his or her “truth” become the prevailing script, retaining status and standing (making sure that his or her inner hidden shame doesn’t become public), and maintaining control of his or her image[1].”
Consider this perspective for a minute: imagine a political candidate who wants to be elected – wants to be favoured – wants to be revered (as most politicians do. This person (along with everyone on the campaign trail) literally goes around their city/town/or country (depending on the nature of the office they hope to occupy) and they try to convince voters (and all other stakeholders) that they are the best person for the position, while convincing the public that their opponent is the worst thing on the face of the earth. They typically do not stop until they have achieved their objective, and they use all the tactics they can think of to ensure that they do.
The smearer (yes, I am saying “smearer”) operates in pretty much the same way; this is why it is called the smear campaign. The objective of the smearer is to get all and sundry, especially those with whom they know you will interact, to see you in a way that is typically demeaning and disgustingly lowly and for them to be viewed as the very opposite of that.
The smearer will intercept and taint places like your workplace, your garbage collector, the gas man, your children’s teachers, your co-workers, your friends, your pastor, your supermarket cashier, the guy who carries your bag, the gardener, your doctor, the mechanic, your family – anyone who will listen; no one or no place is off limits to the smearer. The unfortunate thing about this is that many will grab the story and take it as gospel, because typically, the smearer is a great narrator, who often comes across as credible (for one reason or another).
One thing is for sure, your REAL friends and those who see through the bullshit, will not come to you to tell you about the nasty things that they have heard about you. They understand that there is no real value in the relay. These few people usually understand the campaign play and are fully aware that doing this is like stepping in dog mess and carrying the smell to share with you. What is the purpose of sharing stench? your real friends will NOT do that to you.
So what should you do?
DO NOT RESPOND. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ENGAGE.
There was a time when I did all three. I responded. I replied. I engaged. It took me a while to learn that doing this is a mistake. All it did was to cause me distress and grief, which provides the smearer with satisfaction.
Today, you can catch me on the other side of that.
There is no point nor is there any value in trying to convince those who fall for the stories – the lies – the smear – that none of it is true or that the truth has been twisted to suit the smearer’s campaign. When you do that, all you are doing is feeding into the lies and giving it additional life. The persons who have latched on to the smear-narrative have already made up their minds about you, so anything that you say or do in response to what is being said will add to the discourse, which will then be twisted and turned into something else that you did not intend. Furthermore, the ones who have been convinced are usually those who are quick to spread, thereby activating the wild-fire effect of the smear.
If one of the campaign workers bring the story to you, do not listen. As hard as it might be, it will prove helpful to your mental health to stop them in their tracks and skedaddle. This is very difficult, because you will feel the need to defend yourself. You are encouraged, however, to resist the urge. Do not engage. I repeat: DO. NOT. ENGAGE. Once you hear something, you cannot “unhear” it, and the dirty lies you hear being told about you WILL affect you (in some way), especially if you have not yet developed an antidote to ward off that which will seep into your psyche and mess up your day/week, etc. Once you understand the reason for the smear campaign and how the tactic works, you WILL get the value of walking away and sitting in prayer. Once you educate yourself on the pathology of he/she who smears and the campaign that WILL ensue, your ability to not engage WILL improve.
Whilst the smear ensues, so must your prayers. It is easy to be filled with contempt and hate, because no one likes to be lied on, but this is where you are required to dig deep and let love remain…. Inside you. This simply means praying for yourself AND for them, even while they attempt to destroy you. Bottom line – do NOT fear the smear! Just “lay low, and let the storm pass over your head[2].”
While you do that, be inspired by another reading of a poem from the virtual book launch, of “The Chronicles of a Woman: The Truth-teller”, (my first book of poetry), read by Learrie from Grenada. This poem, “Lay Low” is the perfect guide on what to do when a proverbial storm rages. When you are done, thank you for grabbing your copy from www.amazon.com
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/tech-support/201906/dealing-the-narcissists-smear-campaign
[2] Lay Low by Stacey A Palmer from the book of poetry, “The Chronicles of A Woman: The Truth-teller”
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 
Very interesting as per usual