YOUR BEST MAY NOT BE THEIR ENOUGH, BUT IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE GOOD ENOUGH!

I was recently placed in a situation that forced me to sit in that quiet space and truly introspect deeply.  Within that time of quiet introspection, I remember something that someone had said to me prior that “the way we THINK people experience us is not always how they do” (and I’m paraphrasing).  Even though this is not a new concept to me, I couldn’t help but think, once again, about how this could possibly affect our relationships, especially when we are operating at and in our very best.

Consider this scenario, if you will.  There is a person with whom you must constantly interact – on some level.  Within this constant, there is an expectation.  You are being yourself and giving of yourself, to the best of your ability; yet, what you give or give off is not what the other person interprets it to be and invariably not what they receive.   You know that you are giving the best of you, so the question that begs to be asked is….

“is it your responsibility to ensure that what they perceive and receive is as you intended?”

As complex human beings, the ways in which our best manifests are not always constant, because the ways in which our best changes depend on many variables, which may include but not limited to the following:

• Past traumas   
• Current traumas
• Daily interference
• Pre/post menstrual syndrome
• Loneliness
• Illness
• Depression
• Erectile issues
• Financial concerns
• COVID fatigue
• Evolved value system
• Breakups, etc.

The truth of the matter is that something may have emerged from a past experience or a current situation that prevents you from operating as you normally would; in that instance, you are giving your redefined best.  The recipients (of this redefined best) may not appreciate this, because it is below the standard they expect from you.  You know this is your best, at the time, so it is what you give. 

Despite the variables that may affect one’s ability to give of their best in their different relationships, people are generally selfish by nature, so we want what we want when we want it and in a way that we have grown accustomed to receiving it.  When we don’t get that which we are accustomed, we have a tendency to throw tantrums.  Yes, adults, children, husbands, wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, co-workers, friends, family members, etc. throw tantrums when a person’s best goes through situational evolution.  While the tantrum does not necessarily look like that of a two-year-old, it is similar to that of a two-year-old in the sense that we act out when we do not get what we want or what we are typically used to getting; we do this without any consideration that things are changing, because they must, for whatever reason. 

When this happens, the way we think that a person is experiencing us – at our best – is not always what they perceive or how they receive that best.

Approximately two years ago, I overheard an acquaintance telling someone about another person they had ran into and expressed how haggard the person looked in comparison to how this person usually did.  As I look back on this scenario, I remember thinking what could it be that this person was going through that would have made them deviate from their normal way of being to this “haggard” look?  The truth is, onlookers may never truly know nor is it really necessary for them to know.  Things happen.  The haggard that this person exhibited could have been this person’s very best at the time.  Further, a person should be allowed to go through their version of “haggard” without the sense of guilt that their best is not good enough, especially to people who are not a part of their circle and especially if the person IS a part of your circle. 

As simple as this recount is, it can be applicable to just about any of life’s scenarios that prevent our typical best from manifesting; for example, the man whose sexual prowess is no more/interrupted, the child whose grades may have fallen, the worker who is no longer operating optimally/as the supervisor has grown accustomed, the wife who has lost her oomph, the friend who has grown silent, the mother who has nothing left to give and has simply tapped out….  Bottom line, like the woman above, we have all had our moment of haggard that prevents our best from looking the way it usually does.

Relationships are as complex as they are necessary, and it doesn’t matter the nature of the relationship.  The level of complexity and how we respond to the level of complexity is incumbent on the value we place on the relationship, ie, who that person is to us in the grand scheme of things.

Within that relationship space, we try to do that which is necessary to sustain those we value, but our best is sometimes not good enough (for them)!  In last week’s blog, I spoke about the fickle nature of friendships and how it can be misinterpreted because a person may just not be in a position to give us what we require.  Within the context of ones best not being good enough, I find that if we operate in gratitude for what we get from people when they are at the best that we accept, we will be more forgiving and gracious when their best no longer reconciles with the standard we expect. 

With the “best-interfering variables” mentioned earlier, anything is possible – life happens, and changes occur (temporarily or permanently).  However, if a person doesn’t receive you in the way you think they should, despite your efforts, find peace in knowing that you are doing the best you can within your given situation.  Your flaws/vulnerabilities are your sacred truths that should be shown in that safe space (but you don’t always realize that a space is not safe until you realize).  So if a person doesn’t see your best within those flaws/vulnerabilities/traumas/fatigue, etc., give the best you can still, but don’t let the worry of not meeting the best-expectation seep into your spirit and trouble your soul – not in destructive ways, regardless of and especially because of the relationship space they may occupy in your life!

In the end, your best may not be good enough for them, but it should ALWAYS be good enough for you!