No, thanks! No deterrent.

“when your intentions are pure, you don’t lose anyone; they lose you” – Nipsey Hustle

Have you ever ignored a gut feeling to extend a “helping hand”, for one reason or the other but didn’t; only to learn later that had you gone ahead with that push-to-do-something, it would have made a world of a difference in someone else’ life?

Admittedly, this has happened to me on more than one occasion, but my latest disobedience resonated….

Several months ago, I had the strongest inclination to do extend myself to someone, and I didn’t.  The empath in me had a gut-feeling, and I allowed the part of me that doesn’t like to bother people – the part of me that prefers to just keep to myself – that part of me that likes to stay in the background – to find all the excuses in the world not to do that which I knew deep down, at the time, would have been the right thing to do.

In my mind’s eye, this person did not want to be “bothered”.  As it turns out, I should have reached out and had the conversation, offered the assistance etc. I felt the need to at that time, because not only would what I had in mind been useful/needed/required, it would have been timely.  When I learned later about the nature of what was happening and what would have been a prudent “intervention”, I was completely bummed and saddened.

This particular situation reminded me how important it is for us to offer a helping hand, regardless of how we perceive it will be received.  Oftentimes, we preempt a person’s response based on our past experiences, or we simply misinterpret a person’s action/inaction, which ultimately leads to a fear of being turned down (or whatever else reason), so we end up not doing what is needed.  Since we live in a world where we all need people, no matter our personality dispensation, it is not our responsibility to worry about how our act of kindness is received, especially when our intentions are pure (and the ways in which we give reconcile with that).  Even if the response to our act of kindness is negative or something less than we had hoped, it is better to offer the helping hand and have the hand turned down than to do nothing and run the risk of not making a needed change in someone’s situation.  After all, extending oneself/resources should not be about us.

The flip side of this is that there are many of us who are uncomfortable by kind gestures, for a myriad of reason which include the ways in which past gestures (of kindness) have either been used against us after the fact, or we have been made to feel like the extension of a helping hand has strings attached – almost like indentured servitude – or the ways in which the kindness was extended felt unkind.  Realistically, some of us struggle with receiving help, even though we may love to give help.   

As a cautionary note, we need to develop thicker skins as it relates to having our kindness rejected.  We have to learn to not take a “No, thank you” personal.  After all, our obligation on the face of this earth is to look out for each other, especially in this very challenging time that forces us to be insular.  Further, we must be mindful that we have very little or no control over what people interpret our actions to mean, because more times than not, a person’s interpretation of what we do and who we are is often hinged on their own experiences and/or limited understanding of what we do and who we are, especially when they have limited access to us.

Although I highly doubt that I will ALWAYS follow that gut-feeling, I pray that I am obedient when the discernment speaks loudly.  Bottom line, if we are being “led” to extend ourselves to someone, it is often because answered prayers/miracles usually require the act/intervention of a physical person.  The miracles that we need to make a difference in our day/life, etc. do not accidentally fall from the sky like our childhood story books tell us.  God’s blessings usually occur through someone else.

Furthermore, if a person misinterprets our pure intentions, the questions that beg to be asked are:

• How is this any of our business?
• Should we be concerned? 
• Should we worry about this?
• Should we spend time deconstructing their perception?

The only thing that comes up as answer to the questions is…. “naah, seems pointless”.

Whatever the case, we still have to check ourselves to ensure that the ways in which we extend ourselves is done in a kind manner.  When we give someone something (advise/resources, etc.), it must also be done with KINDNESS – with respect, with humility – with LOVE.  Sometimes we don’t even have to let the person we are helping know that the help is coming from us…get them the help discretely, and keep quiet about it.

In the meantime, let us pay closer attention to the people in our space (“look to the left, and then to the right of you”[1]), follow your gut and the Lord’s leading and offer a helping hand (with love and humility, etc.); everything else will fall exactly where it should.  Guaranteed!

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[1] Taken from “Looking Beyond,” a poem found in “The Chronicles of a Woman: The Truth-Teller” by yours truly, Stacey A Palmer.  Thank you for getting your copy today from https://www.amazon.com/Chronicles-Woman-Truth-Teller-Stacey-Palmer/dp/9769661708/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=