ARE WE ONLY AS GOOD AS OUR LAST PERFORMANCE?

Approximately  3 years ago, in the days when we could speak unmasked, I was required to give an impromptu address to a group of around 100.  Now, this was nothing major.   In fact, it sounds more exquisite and important than it was.  It was literally just me responding to something I was asked within context.  Plus, the topic is something that I KNOW.  Upon getting up to respond, my heart started to palpitate, and I could literally hear it beat in my head… it felt like it would have jumped out of my chest. 

I responded, but I felt like was going to die! (may be a tad over-exaggerated, but you get the gist).

Now, I have operated in several capacities where I have been required to stand (or sit) before a group for an extended period and “present” on topics, etc.  so this should not have happened.  True!  But it does.  People experience situational malperformance, for one reason or another.  This, I know, is not a me-thing, but the knowing doesn’t make it any easier to navigate when it happens.  In fact, it happens to all different types of people in different situations more times that I can mention here.  I have witnessed it happen to others I know are more than capable, and have also been privy to the effect it has on the “performer’s” psyche.  Regardless, I cannot tell you how I felt in that moment when nothing that I wanted to say came out the “right” way.  In my head, I was a complete wreck and could have kicked myself for having blundered so badly on responding to a topic that my track record has already shown is second nature to me.

Those experts who have studied behavior argue that there are many reasons for someone with a good track record to perform poorly in familiar situations. I am literally chuckling about this, because I am sure someone is remembering those very familiar situations when they did not perform as well as they are capable of…. (take your mind out of that place).

So the questions that beg to be asked are, “are we only as good as our last performance?”  Does our track record mean anything.  Or are we required to prove ourselves every single time we are asked to respond to a scenario that needs for us to showcase our ability effortlessly and meticulously as we run the full leg of the race?

Some time after that mishap, I was a part of an interaction that made me question everything about myself, because my delivery was not what I had hoped it would have been.  In fact, my sub-par representation was hardly a true indicator of my track record.  In the end, no one cares about track record if you do not operate how you are expected to.  Because of this thought process, we tend to be very hard on ourselves when we “underperform/malperform”, etc.

As I ponder on this, it brings to mind a very decorated female Olympian, who would have already proven herself the unbeatable contender, having won several races. Even though in recent years she continued to be beaten by her counterpart, the track record of this female Olympian kept her in the minds of people as one of the best to have ever competed, and no one seemed to care that she was no longer “winning,” per their standard or hers.  There were track and field connoisseurs who expressed a number of variables to have been the reason for her loss but gave her an extended allowance because of who she had already proven herself to be.    Her blunders were forgiven, and she maintained her status despite the losses.  In fact, during an after-race she admitted that it was not her intention to have lost, since she didn’t enter the race without an expectation to win.  That is the case for most of us who enter into a competitive space.

Indeed, when we get up to perform, in whatever capacity a scenario requires us to, we do so with the intention to win – to achieve that which we would have set out to do.  Unfortunately, what happens is not always what we desire, even when our track record attempts to forecast the outcome.  On the day of the literal and proverbial race, we may, for whatever reason malperform causing our audience to cast judgement based on this particular performance only.  We won’t all be so lucky as the Olympian with the impeccable track record to be considered as good as her best performance – those races that she would have won prior to the ones she no longer wins.  The spectators would have already gotten to know her. 

In the race of life, we won’t all be so fortunate to perform in front of spectators who are privy to our track record, nor will they care.  The focus is on the race that is happening in the moment.  These spectators, who are our judge and jury, care about how we run the course of the race from start to finish – that is the premise on which we are being judged. To them, a person’s track record is inconsequential if the end result is not indicative of a winner.  While this is the case, it is important what we KNOW about who we are.  We won’t always have a great start nor will we always able to reach our top-end speed to emerge the “front-runner”.  The situational malperformance happens for a number of reasons unique to each “runner”.  What is important is how we treat with those bad starts and not-so-good finishes.  We tend to be so hard on ourselves when we lose that we do not give ourselves room for situational blunders.  Those who know their worth and capabilities tend to allow themselves to feel the disappointment that comes with the loss, but eventually rise to run again.

The truth is that we are not supposed to “win” every race – at least not in the way that winning typically occurs – nor will we.  Sometimes a race lost is a race won, because the loss was an important feature in what is to come.  We do not always see it that way, because life tends to promote a narrative that pushes the win mandate and one that appears the same all the time.  Also, in some cases the typical win is important, because it is needed to keep us alive….  Therefore, our response to the loss is as a result of our personal desires.  It doesn’t matter how we feel going into the race; the bottom line is that we do not always win.  Whatever the reason for not emerging the winner is not enough reason to accept that we are only as good as our last performance.