NUFF SELF-RESPECT!

The “respect debate” is an ongoing one that continues to evoke passionate responses from us, once we feel like we are advocating for what we should accept from others as well as how we are required to treat others.  However, the conversation is not as loud when we should advocate how we should treat OURSELVES.

Respect begins with SELF. 

Recently, I placed myself in a situation where I interacted with a group for about 45 minutes.  Prior to entering that space, my gut told me that I shouldn’t have, but I convinced myself that this was the “right” thing to do and went against what my inner voice (that which prays and serves God) forewarned.  The second I exited that scenario, I knew it.  I felt it loudly and I heard it as clear as day:  “YOU JUST DISRESPECTED YOURSELF.”  I disrespected myself when I agreed to be there and further disrespected myself when I showed up.

Admittedly, I was disappointed with myself, because I had no one to blame but myself for going against my discernment, which had, to that point, never steered me wrong.  I was also disappointed because I had prior knowledge about the group by virtue of lived experiences, and I did not let that be my guide and proceeded just the same.

I started to think of the many ways I could have foregone the interaction and things I could have said to not have been a part of something that I KNEW, before going in, I shouldn’t have.  I soon let it go because there really is no point belaboring the past for longer than it takes to garner a lesson from a situation.  For me, the lesson came almost immediately, and after a day of wallowing, I let it go – with my lesson in tow, of course!

My cautionary tale is that we must learn to respect ourselves by loving ourselves enough to say “no”, even when “no” is the unpopular thing to say.  Most times, people do not have enough CONTEXT to scrutinize our “no”, so we shouldn’t let someone else’ opinion about our decision guide how we operate.  Ultimately, our “no” may not make sense to others, and it doesn’t have to.  Once we are sure that we are operating in righteousness, which include, self-love, and self-respect, we shouldn’t concern ourselves about the noise of the outside world.

We all have standards that we have set for ourselves.  I argue, however, that the most significant and most basic standard we SHOULD set for ourselves is to TRULY LOVE ourselves.  To do so, we must understand what that looks like. 

For instance, not every situation that presents itself as an opportunity is that.  I have learned, first-hand, that the beauty of a closed door – even if we close it ourselves – often shows up as blessing.  In our quest, we must be reminded that toxicity does not always present itself as such.  Toxicity speaks well.  Toxicity makes promises to fulfill our needs.  It dresses well, and it presents itself in group think, sweet talk and pretty packages – toxicity is often well-liked.  To deliberately expose ourselves to toxicity, because of what it promises IS, in fact, disrespecting ourselves.

Respecting oneself is applicable across every single interaction we will have had in our lifetime.  When we disrespect ourselves by “showing up” to situations that do not serve us, we are teaching people how to disrespect us.  Be reminded, though, that “showing up” is not only specific to actual events, but giving people access to treat us in ways that go against who we are in Christ.  We are encouraged to stop letting greed, lust, lack, fear, status, etc., force us to disrespect ourselves.

We also disrespect ourselves when we don’t trust ourselves enough to honor our God-given talents to serve in ways that honor Christ…. But this is for a separate blog post.

Nuff  (SELF) respect!