A MOVIE AND ME-TIME

I was in a public setting having a light-hearted chat with a friend of sorts and another person I just met. As most impromptu chats go, one topic led to the next, and we started chatting about movies.  It was revealed that I had gone to see Equalizer 3 by my lonesome.  Amid sharing my utter delight about how much I enjoyed the film, especially in my capacity as the self-appointed Equalizer Trilogy promoter and Denzel Washington, the actor, supporter, I sensed the confused energy of the person I had just met.  As soon as the words “I went to the movie by myself” fell out of my mouth, I immediately felt judgement energy.

“You went to the movies alone?”  She asked.

“Yes, I did, and I do all the time,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Why would you go to the movies alone?” She was concerned.

“For the same reason I would go with you.  To see the movie.”

I guess I could say that we were both operating in varying degrees of ponder.  It was obvious that she didn’t understand why anyone would deliberately go to the movies by themselves, and I was slightly curious as to why this would confuse her.  The truth is, her perspective is not unique, as I have heard this before.  People would never eat alone, go to the movies alone, take themselves to a concert, travel alone, drive to the beach alone, etc.  Those who wouldn’t somehow believe that those of us who do, suffer some kind of affliction.  She went further to say she always believed that people who went to the movies alone were depressed. 

I think I should have been offended, but I wasn’t – not even slightly.

In the same way she has her theory about people like me – those who have no issues going to the movies alone – I, too, have my own theory about those who are unable to take themselves to the movies and about those who think something is “wrong” with those of us who do.  While my theory is nothing near as sinister as to assume a mental illness, per se, I have always imagined those people who wouldn’t (or couldn’t) as missing out somehow.  Fundamentally, I assume a “to each his own” stance on the matter.  

As she continued to search out my face in utter surprise that she was meeting someone who would do such a thing (I am assuming), the “depression” conversation ensued. 

I said, “The same way you are asserting depression unto solo movie attendees is the same way I cannot say that those who go to the movies with a date or friend are NOT depressed.”  By her argument, one could easily deduce that those who have movie buddies/dates, etc. are not depressed.  From what I know about depression, it is such a complex thing to pinpoint just by looking.  Accordingly, depressed people get married; depressed people get first class honors; depressed people are CEO’s; there are depressed people who have gone to the movies with a partner/friend.  Conversely, cheerful and happy (are these the opposite of depressed) people are single, poor, rich, loners, etc.  We are too complex to think we can look at one thing about someone and determine what is going on with us.  If only that were true, then the mental health epidemic would not be in existence since there are way more movie-goers who attend with someone or a group of people than there are solo-movie-goers.   The truth is, I have gone to the movie alone under many circumstances:  when I was as happy as a lark, when I was sad, when I was depressed, I have even gone alone when I just completed my Masters and wanted to celebrate.  But my fundamental reason for going to the movie alone is plain and simple – I want to see the movie, and I don’t always want company, or I don’t always have company, or I don’t want to wait to see it.  Some of us are just like that and some of us aren’t.

As strange as people find this solo movie-going phenomenon, there are benefits to be derived from going alone, to include (but not limited to):

• Getting to know yourself
• Using the activity as self-care
• Eliminating chatter/distractions
• Being completely immersed in the film
• Protecting/enjoying ones peace
• See other benefits as discussed by someone else here.

The conversation tapered off with me encouraging her to spend time with herself and sharing how beautiful I find it to be, especially within a certain context applicable to her.  I told her that the stares I get from the few people I do are not bothersome to me – not in the least.  I let her know that the only discomfort experienced is by those who find it strange that I am there by myself, which is none of my business.  In other words, I couldn’t care less.   Honestly, I love myself, and I love my own company. I am also an avid movie buff, so I am enjoying the best of both worlds. Be that as it may, while I am there by myself, I do the same things I would do if I were with someone else, including comment or exclaim about a scene.   The only drawback (if I was forced to find one) is that there is no one to hold my handbag (if I am coming from work), while I use the restroom or go to the concessionaire’s. Best believe, I am enjoying every ounce of the film (along with the associated emotions of the film) the same way (or even more than) partnered movie goers do.

Next up on the movie-watching list – Retribution – and I am going alone!