WHEN IT’S TIME TO GO, WE KNOW.

Ever been in a situation (work, romantic relationship, friendship, partnership, interactions, etc.) where you feel like you have overstayed your welcome?  Have you ever felt like you have outgrown a space/person or that the space/person has outgrown you?  Have you ever felt like you are just simply not on the same page with someone you are getting to know or have come to see that the long-term relationship you have fostered was bad for your mental health? Have you ever gotten the vibe that people don’t want you around but are simply tolerating you? Have you ever felt in the pit of your stomach that it is time to exit stage left?  Have you ever felt any of those things at the core of who you are but then convince yourself that maybe – just maybe, you need to give the situation (job, relationship, friendship, courtship, interaction, business partnership etc.) another chance, because maybe – just maybe – you are nitpicking?  But then when you go to sleep, you can’t; you are tormented because the discontent is overarchingly strong?  Even so, you remain.

There are so many of us who are existing in a situation or several situations that are slowly killing us, and we still ask the question, “how do I know if I should really go?”

But let’s be honest, that’s a rhetorical question that we are using to bide, buy, or kill time.  I would go further to say that it is a lie we tell ourselves so we can validate and simultaneously hide the fear we have of leaving.  

When it’s time to go we know.

To address this slow death, we must first ask ourselves a simple question and answer it honestly: 

“What is preventing me from just leaving?”

The answers/response that you may honestly tell yourself may include, but are not limited to are:

• I am afraid I won’t be able to pay my bills.
• I am afraid I won’t be able to find another partner/job.
• I have been in this situation for too long; it’s all I know.
• I am afraid of or do not like the unknown
• I have been trying to leave but I can’t right now.
• My assets are tied up
• I have know them since I was six
• I have loans
• I have tried, but I keep returning.
• They will not force me to leave; I will leave when I want to
• I am too old to do anything/anyone else.
• Where am I gonna go? 
• Whose gonna want me anyway?

Whatever your response to your specific situation, you may be forced to do several things that may or may not bring about a positive change in relation to your situation, which may include, but are not limited to:

• address the matter head on,
• bring you into a state of awareness that will cause shame or guilt
• freeze – curl up and stay
• execute a plan with a timeline to leave for good.

To argue that we are sometimes not truly sure about whether we should go is what happens before the stage of which I refer.  To those who will still say “but sometimes we just don’t know,” I say, this “I don’t know” stage does not last in prolonged situations where things do not change for the better – they only get worse – or remain stagnant. 

The bottom line is that when we know, WE KNOW because:

• Our gut tells us.
• The situation makes it clear.
• The shame we feel tells us.
• The betrayal tells us
• The continued infidelity tells us
• The abuse we endure while remaining in that space tells us.
• The Holy Spirit tells us.
• The Plans that He has for us tells us.
• The way they treat us tells us.
• The disloyalty tells us
• The discord tells us
• The degradation tells us.
• The ostracization and alienation tell us.
• The subtle messages they send tell us.
• Our discernment tells us.
• The lies tell us.
• The lack of respect tells us
• The affect tells us.

It is not worth the long-term effects on our physical, emotional, and mental health to remain in any space that does not serve us or that we are not serving them.  We owe it to our today and the possibility of a tomorrow to remove ourselves so that we can give ourselves the love that we deserve (and even allow them the love they deserve).  I agree that there are many significant factors why we remain in situations that require us to leave, but the number one factor that all the gurus (psychologists, life coaches, counsellors, etc.) have expressed is “fear”.  I agree. 

Regardless of the situation, I am yet to meet an adult during an endurance test (because that’s what I will call it now) who did not know when they finally got it that it was time to go. 

There are some of you who may debate, but I maintain my stance:  WHEN IT IS TIME TO GO, WE KNOW.

If you don’t, the situations will chew you up and spit you out and you will be left with a version of yourself that you do not like or cannot recognize.  Either way, once you admit that the assertion is true, let’s address why you are still where you are not supposed to be.