Kill (verb) to cause someone or something to die:
Humans have been fighting with and against each other for as long as humans have been around. At the end of these fights, someone or something may die, literally or metaphorically. While many will say that a metaphorical death is incomparable to a literal death, others will argue that there are things worse than death. There are instances in fights where we recover, and there are instances when we do not or feel like we cannot. Either way, there is usually a category of injury that one or both parties will end up nursing, because of something we consider inconceivable and irreconcilable from which we do not easily heal and that which will, according to some, literally make our lives a living hell.
Once we interact with others, there is a very great chance that we would, at some point in those interactions, experience a “killing” of sorts – literal or metaphorical. Some of these killings are fleeting while some of them are organized warfare. If we are honest, we may even see that we have done some “killing” ourselves, even if we agree or argue that the depth of the “death” was not significant enough to cause long-term harm (how pompous of us to think we know the long-term effects of our actions, but I digress.)
We all experience hardships, which fall under any of the following categories or even a combination of them all:
- Financial
- Spiritual
- Mental
- Emotional
- Physical
These hardships are a part of human nature. Once we are alive, we are, in some way, affected by our environment. Hardships, at varying degrees, are inevitable. Then there are those hardships that are directly attached to someone’s deliberate intentions to make our lives a living hell – to kill us or to kill something in us. This can be because of who we are perceived to be. This can range from people just simply not liking the way you speak, or they do not like your successes and even hate the way you handle your failures. It can be anything. All of what I just said is a given, right? And we are expected to navigate all of that, and move on with our lives, right? Well, if only life could be that simple.
Since we do not exist in isolation of our environment, there is always someone observing us and making the decision to punish us for something we did (intentionally or unintentionally) and in some cases did not do. This can occur in our homes, at school, in our friendships, in our romantic relationships, on the job, as well as at church – pretty much anywhere humans coexist. Unless we are told (directly or indirectly), we don’t typically have access to the impact we have on people because of our actions/inactions, especially since people’s views are often thwarted by their perception and/or imaginations. Some people are quick to forgive, others, not so much. Unfortunately for many, when a person offends us, we become preoccupied with the offense and the way it makes us feel. While “feelings” are not bad, on their own, they are often attached to our internal (and often irrational) compasses that determine how we should respond, even if how we “feel” is not necessarily valid, contextually. Generally, we “feel a certain way” about different things for reasons not always attached to the specific action/offense, to include (but not limited to):
Be that as it may, when we feel some type of way because of something that someone did or said (valid or invalid), we either forgive them and move on, or/and let nature takes its natural course. Then there are those who will sit in the offense, stew on it, then strategize the demise of the person it is believed to have cause the offense. In this “organized warfare” mindset, all hell will break loose.
The killing (literal and metaphorical) will, therefore, not stop.
We are living in a time when people will activate the evil within them to inflict the punishment they believe others deserve for what they deem to be a crime against them. These “crimes” can include any darn thing, such as:
- Questioning their authority
- Getting the job they should have gotten
- Advocating against inequities
- Driving a “better” car
- Earning more
- Earning less and not understanding how to operate in that “belowness”
- Having a great marriage
- Being single
- The appearance of confidence
- The appearance of strength
- Stepping out of one’s place (some people like when we remain beneath them)
- Speaking up
- “Disrespecting” them
But why do we resort to “killing” – hurting someone else. Based on my own observations, people do this to assert dominance and to escape their own internal struggles – to mask their own pain. Psychologists agree that people inflict hurt (physical or mental/emotional, etc.) to escape their own pain or even to “signal their own goodness” (Rai, 2022). A study also revealed “that people often hurt others because in their mind, it is morally right or even obligatory to be violent[1]”. In other words, if you hurt me, or step out of line, it is my duty to put you back in your place or “cut you down to size” by inflicting the level of pain or disrespect I feel because of your action (perceived or actual) toward me.
[1] https://rady.ucsd.edu/why/news/2022/06-21-study-suggests-people-hurt-other-people-to-signal-their-own-goodness.html
While it is true that we may not know what we are doing to hurt others, there are other times when know that our actions are offensive. That’s a given, right? Consequently, while some will literally put a bounty out on your head, another person will kill you in other ways that if you do not possess a countenance of Job, you will wish you were dead, especially in the workplace. A few ways that some will kill you outside of physical murder are through:
- Ostracization
- Victimization
- Bad-mouthing
- Belittling
- Bullying
- Back-biting
(read poem, “The B Word” by Stacey A Palmer)
Arguably, while none of these things will cause someone to die, they can all cause something (in us) to die and create irreversible damage. These things that may die can include, but not limited to:
- Self-worth
- Self-esteem
- Reputation
- Finances
- Connections
- Will to live
- Ability to function
When a person strategizes on ways to kill and “kill”, the damage can be irreversible; our bodies can die or our will to live may die. People who respond to their feelings – valid or not – with vengeance (deliberation and organization) are fully aware of potential mental anguish. In their minds, your punishment and ensuing death, because of their organized warfare, are well deserved.
How do we combat this?
In my estimation, we can never be fully prepared. We can, however, understand that evil lurks and often does not look as ugly as evil is. After all, humans lie to and on each other to maintain relationships. Nevertheless, if we pay close attention, I am sure we will agree that people show us, in one way or another, their propensity for harm. Even so, there are still a few things we can do:
- Expect the “killing”, but don’t fear it.
- Examine ourselves.
- Address/fix those things in us that cause harm to others.
- Pray
- Trust God.
Though the killing won’t stop, we can prepare ourselves to manage our response to it.
PARENTING, ADVOCACY AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN 