WORRY LOVE

It had only been a week since the passing of a colleague’s parent, and when asked how he was doing he said he was doing fine.  “I am calm, so maybe it has not hit me yet,” he said.  “Soon, it will.  I am sure,” he continued.

 “Maybe, this is the peace beyond understanding that God is giving you.  The peace beyond understanding that we always pray to receive… maybe this is it,” I said.

“Yes, you are so right,” he agreed.

As we spoke more about how he actively cared for his loved one during his ailment, I expressed my observation that this is what we do whenever we feel peace in situations that the world tells us we should worry.  We tend to question peace when we should really be thanking God. 

He emphatically agreed.

Curious it is that this scenario presented itself to me when I have been walking around with the notion of associating worry with love for the past six weeks.  It’s been bugging me the way I talk myself out of peace and into worry as an act of showcasing (to myself) love for close friends/family.  The question that’s been bugging me is:

Why do we believe that if we don’t worry about our loved ones (during their time of turmoil), we are somehow not exhibiting love?   

The last six weeks have been intense, because there has been a myriad of eventualities in relation to my offspring being in another country that have caused me distress, because I genuinely feel everything she experiences, whether good or bad.  I literally experience the emotion (or what I deem it to be) and then some.

Luckily for me, I have learned to replace worry with worship.  In other words, whenever I start to fret and become anxious, I read His word, pray, and wear my prayer like my second skin.   I stay in praise and worship and operate in faith until I feel “peace beyond understanding”. 

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your request be known to God.” Philippians 4 vs 6

The struggle

I wish I could tell you that was it… that all’s well that ends well. For some strange reason, I suffer a sense of guilt when I feel peace and joy and find myself moving back into worry as if to justify my love (for her).  It’s not like she requires that of me.  It is simply something that just happens.  After the worry begins to, once again, latch itself I usually catch myself and pull myself up and out of that negative space.

Why is permanently removing worry such a struggle?    As I reflect on my own response over time, I recognize that many do this because:

• Worry is a habit – a tradition almost:  I recognize the association of worry and love is not something that I did of my own.  It is what we see and have known since childhood, in movies, in family, in friendships, and the other communities for which we are a part.  I get it though; since worry is emotional, it helps us to validate our feelings and connections with our loved ones.

• Our faith is weak or non-existent:  The Bible teaches us, through His word, that obedience and faith go hand in hand.  We are shown many reasons for this; still, we don’t believe.  We have evidence that we are currently existing today because of His grace and mercy and even our display of faith at other points in our lives.  Yet, we conveniently forget, each time a situation arises.

• We associate worry with care: Although we understand worry to be counterproductive, there is something that forces us to accept that the lack of worry when our loved one is in distress equates the lack of care.  For some strange reason, the more pain or discomfort we feel and exhibit, the more it showcases the love we have for our people.

• Worry is a preparation/problem-solving technique:  There are many of us who like to feel prepared for the guaranteed challenges of life.  Pace (2020) highlights that people conflate worry with problem-solving.  This, her article went on to say, causes us to focus on trying to figure out how to avoid those worst-case-scenario outcomes.

• There is a mental health challenge:  For some, worry and anxiety are manifestations of serious issues hinged on poor mental health and can lead to sinister outcomes.  They may suffer from an anxiety disorder, which often results in them becoming physically ill.   

Navigating worry

Obviously, the problem doesn’t disappear because we worry.  Essentially, worry changes nothing, except that it might age us and make us appear older than we are.  We know this!  How, then, do we stop ourselves?

I replace worry with praise and worship, and it works!  This involves immersing ourselves in scripture and trusting that God WILL take care of us.  We are here today, because He took care of us yesterday.   God has shown me on numerous occasions that He has me covered.  We now see, however, that this thought process must be continuous and intentional.

There are benefits to reminding ourselves of the counterintuitive nature of worry. Worry is connected to fear, and fear is not of God.  I am sure that I am not unique when I say that worry is heavy and silly. For those who recognize that their worry is more than a bad habit or a lie we tell ourselves, and more of a mental help challenge, it helps to seek professional help and utilize the tools given. 

Whatever our reason for worry, we must remind ourselves of who we are in Christ as well as reflect on what He has already done for us, which we do by immersing ourselves in scripture and applying them to our situations.    This will help us to see clearly that the extent of our love for the people in our lives is not attached to the extent of our worry.  But we cannot be wishy-washy about our approach. When we pray, we must operate in complete faith by believing that Our Father is who He says He is to us.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life of whom shall I be afraid.”  Psalm 27 v 1