POST-PARTUM DEPRESSION IS REAL…REALLY SERIOUS!

It was six weeks before she was due, but she decided that she would come anyway. To make matters a tad more complicated, she was breached. 

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The long and short of it is, I was rushed in to do a C-Section, and the rest is history.  It is now 16 ¾ years after, and all is well in the parenting game…. Right?!  WRONG!  ALL is never well; there is always something to fix, navigate, reimagine, throw out, pray over, cry about, give thanks for, laugh about and the list goes on.  Still, we choose to focus on all those positives, and we press along through these parenting streets.

The point is that you never EVER know – TRULY know what a woman – a mother – is going through at any given point of the motherhood journey.

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On day two of having had the C-Section, I had still not bonded with the offspring nor was I lactating.  Even though my baby bags were packed weeks prior with the essentials, and I had paid for the hospital stay two days before this sudden arrival, I was not mentally ready, and I did not even realize at the time. 

The baby was not latching on, and I had still not gotten used to the fact that I was a MOTHER…  Plus, I had an incision across my stomach that I was trying to get used to.  I did not feel connected to this child who was cut out of me while I was completely anesthetized.  I was an emotional wreck, and no one truly knew this except for a very kind nurse who witnessed my late night tears and utter confusion.  I was becoming more withdrawn, among other things… I even went as far as to tell her that I didn’t want anyone to visit, so they were not to let anyone into the hospital room.   The nurse, in her wisdom, detected what was happening to me, and sat by my bedside and prayed for me as the tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably.  She encouraged me to allow my friends and family to visit, and she also talked and prayed me out of a very dark space.  I felt the walls closing in, but she helped me to climb those walls to get to the other side.  At the time, I had no clue that I was teetering on the brink of post-partum depression, but this nurse prevented it from manifesting worse than it could have.  Those few days were very challenging, to say the least.

So imagine the utter despair I would have felt when two women – who were already mothers long before me, came to my hospital room to “visit the baby” and did not even acknowledge me.  This would have been my second introduction to how we terrorize each other – us women.  But I digress…. Or do I….?

But… God IS good.  Thank God for His intervention through that nurse (to date, I still think about her and wish I could remember her name).

Later that night (into the wee hours of the morning), I was jolted out of my slumber, and I rushed to her incubator to see her perched on one side.  The nurses were not paying attention.  My fright, anger, and connection kicked in concurrently.  Let’s just say that the response of the nurse on duty was quick.  As the nurse adjusted my baby’s position in the incubator, so did my heart make an automatic adjustment, and we have been completely connected since then – my pumpkin and I.

The point of this story?  Because every weh u tun lesson deh deh fi learn. (Everywhere you turn, there is a lesson to be learned).

I thought about my situation when the news of the “coronation market baby” broke.  As the news has reported…. A baby girl was found in the Coronation Market (Kingston, Jamaica) and safely turned over to the authorities.  This made headlines, and the suppositions ensued.  Some said the mother was wicked; others said she could have left her some place safer; there are those who agree that she must have done the best she could have; whilst others are wondering where the father is; some say she deserves jail time.  Then, there are those who are aware of other mental health challenges that come with a new born, i.e. the baby blues or the more severe post-partum depression/post-partum psychosis and how these can often manifest into more sinister outcomes. 

Mothers like the one reported need advocacy, not chastisement.  

Up to the point of writing this, there had been no (public) report of this lady’s identification, her situation or her real reason for leaving this child the way she did.  Is she even alive (literally and metaphorically)?  The point is, the baby was found and is now being cared for by the state, and the mother had her reason (whether we agree or NOT). There are many reasons that could have driven her to this point…

The intersectionality is endless!

I caution us – every single person who has ever interacted with, know of, related to, associated with, looked at a pregnant woman – a mother (new and old) that post-partum depression is real, and it is also REALLY VERY CHALLENGING.  This is something that has affected many more women than are willing to admit.  The thoughts that accompany this affliction are so sinister that most are too ashamed to even utter them, even after those thoughts have passed through.  We MUST, therefore, endeavour to think outside of what we KNOW and realize that there is a LOT more that we are CLUELESS ABOUT. 

If we sit in that space of CLUELESSNESS, just a tad, we will be forced to learn a little bit more today and situate new knowledge to scenarios for which we do not have context.

Understandably, no one wants to be known as “that” mother, so our great grandmother, mother, aunts, family members and neighbours keep these feelings hidden.  They are not talked about, even years after having experienced it.  After all, having a child should be a joyous moment, so to admit this deep sense of depression and confusion after giving birth makes no sense to those who experience it.  As a consequence, silence and shame ensue, and the cycle continues.

Stewart, et al (2013) states that the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression are generally the same as those associated with major depression occurring at other times, including depressed mood, anhedonia and low energy. Reports of suicidal ideation are also common.  It is prudent to point out that the symptoms can be mild to very severe.  The experts also say that “the potential adverse effect of postpartum depression upon the maternal-infant relationship and child development reinforces the need for early identification and effective treatment models” (p 3).[1]  In other words, post-partum undetected and untreated, can cause irreversible damage to mother and child as well as the community to which they are a part.

Let us, therefore, be a little kinder with our suppositions… Let us endeavour to learn more about what we do not know, especially since everything is amplified now that we are living in the midst of a pandemic that has disproportionately affected women.  After all, postpartum depression (and all the other mental health challenges that come as a result of giving birth) is real and is a more common within our community than we are willing to accept.

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[1] Robertson, E., Celasun, N., and Stewart, D.E. (2003). Risk factors for postpartum depression. In Stewart, D.E., Robertson, E., Dennis, C.-L., Grace, S.L., & Wallington, T. (2003). Postpartum depression: Literature review of risk factors and interventions